Which is it? A pesky weed thrusting its measly self through the sidewalk, or hope?
I see hope; the tenacity of a fragile stem ignoring what should be possible, pushing toward light despite the hostile environment it is bound to enter.
This photograph speaks to me in a particularly vivid way right now, especially concerning a recent calling of the heart. Despite my intentions, I’ve been finding myself lately on the sidewalk in front of North Dakota’s only abortion facility. Yes, moi, the gal who always thought her pro-life convictions would be best shared in a “safe” place. Through the written word, for example, or a radio interview, but certainly not as an active sidewalk-counselor-in-training.
About a month ago, I interviewed on our local Catholic radio station the woman — Elizabeth McClung — who helped effect the conversion of former Planned Parenthood director Abby Johnson to the side of life. When I listened to the podcast of that interview a few weeks later, I was jarred to hear myself telling Elizabeth that praying for life publicly “isn’t for everyone.” I was speaking about myself.
But then Abby came to Fargo and I had a chance to hear her story in person, both from her mouth and through her bestselling book, Unplanned. When I realized Elizabeth’s prayers and the flowers and card she had offered Abby two years before her conversion had made a difference, despite many days, weeks and months of it all seeming futile, things changed inside of me. When Abby challenged us to not forget about what she’d shared, and insisted the women seeking abortions needed to hear our voices, I could no longer ignore the still, small voice within me.
Then again I might have, if not for my 13-year-old daughter, who’d also met Abby.
“Mom, can we stand out on the sidewalk again this Wednesday?” she asked a few days before “abortion day,” the week following our meeting with Abby. It nearly took my breath away to hear her request, but I recognized the opportunity at once and knew I could not diminish it.
“Sure, let’s do that,” I said, not quite believing what was happening. Her young voice was rising above the din of my doubts, giving me courage to shoo away my timidity.
“No offense, Mom,” she added, “but maybe, because I’m younger and all, I might make more of an impact.”
“You know, you could be right about that,” I said, not able to deny wisdom as it stared me in the face.
Indeed, her presence could well make a difference. It already had. The week before, as we stood there with the others praying in the rain, a car full of hecklers driving past yelled obscenities at us from our sidewalk perch.
“What was that?” she asked, turning to me. Then, in an impeccably timed moment, she added, “Oh, they must just be jealous of my good hair day.”
It’s exactly what I needed to decrease the tension and sadness I felt watching one woman after another walk into the facility, knowing she would come out a changed person, and not for the better. As one bumper sticker I read recently says: “Abortion: one life lost, another wounded.”
This week I returned without my daughter, who was out of town, and though I’m still a sidewalk newbie, I’m starting to get the hang of it. I know where I can and can’t stand (“Don’t touch the green carpet!”). I’ve gotten to know some of the names of the abortion facility escorts; some of whom are very aggressive toward those who’ve come to pray, others who are quieter, perhaps new like me, just trying to figure things out.
And I’ve discovered that I’m not content to only pray, though prayer is certainly one of the most valuable things I can do. I’ve reached out to several of the escorts in an attempt to get to know them. One of them was very receptive this week. I know that everyone, no matter what side of the sidewalk they’re on, truly believes they are helping women. But I also know that it can’t be the case that taking life is ever a positive, and that I have entered the front lines of a war zone. Lives of the mothers, the babies, and all those who love them are at stake.
I can’t completely explain what has compelled me to take up a post on this sidewalk of all the sidewalks in North Dakota, but I definitely feel it as a strong stirring, an urgent call to action, though certainly not one I would have willingly chosen.
Perhaps God has had this in mind for me for a long time, but I’ve only recently become ready. I’m beginning to think that might be the case. Regardless, I’m becoming bolder. I want to meet the workers of the facility and somehow, in whatever way I can, give them the same sense of hope I’ve experienced while looking upon a weed that refuses to give up on light.
Q4U: What was the bravest thing you did recently? What compelled you to do it?
The bravest thing recently? Probably just stay the course and be bold in my faith. The bravest I have EVER done though is become a mom when I was a scared upper aged teen. I think protestors sometimes aren’t always the answer but I understand the convictions behind it. I want to help every woman and girl somehow before they walk into the clinic. And if it’s after I want to heal them know how God can heal them.
Katie, that would have been very brave. I’m so proud of you for bringing your handsome son into the world! I know it was a sacrifice, but well worth it! Also, I don’t like the term “protestor,” but am still trying to figure out how to accurately describe the work that is done on the sidewalk. It is a very peaceful, loving protest, if it can be called that, and it is NOT protesting the woman herself, but a gentle attempt to dissuade her, because you never know. Lives have been saved. Protestors used to be aggressive and intimidating. Things have changed. That’s the reason I’m there. I’m there out of true love and compassion for those who are scared. It’s a very challenging, humbling thing to do. If you had been inclined toward aborting your son, and someone had gently discouraged you, wouldn’t you be forever grateful now? You did this on your own, but not everyone has a supportive environment. That is what we are there to do – to give them that hope. Thanks so much for adding your thoughts. They are valuable!
Roxane,
I have tears streaming down my cheeks; when I thought I couldn’t cry anymore after reading your post, I read the discussion between you and Katie and cried again.
My heart breaks each and every time I think about someone killing their baby – harsh words, I know – and your post roused an otherwise host of emotions.
People who know me would know that I’m anti-abortion. And I am. However, I’ve never felt so strongly about the issue that I do since giving birth to my own.
I pray that someday I will have the courage to help someone who is facing a seemingly impossible situation. I pray for the confused souls, the women and men, who don’t know where to turn and that they will find our Lord. I pray that your strength and tenacity to reach out and follow your convictions will continue to inspire others. I pray that I too, will have the same qualities in my own self.
Eeek – I really went to town on this one didn’t I? See what you inspire? Thanks for sharing your life with us.
Best to you,
Marie
Marie, God has gifted you with a great desire for compassion, and an abundant ability to produce tears from both pain and joy. I love that about you. I, too, have a leaky faucet! But I am honored to feel so much, even though it can be hard at times as well. I look forward to our time together on the sidewalk. It is not the kind of protesting that used to go on. Like I said, Abby inspired me to reach out in love and it’s hard to ignore a directive that resonated so deeply within my heart, which, yes, has increased in compassion through motherhood, as well it should. As Abby said, it is not natural for a mother to take her child’s life. The scars are left on everyone involved. I guess I spent too many years talking and not enough doing. It’s time. I’m glad you’ll join me. It’s really taking up the cross in a more vivid way than I have before but I’m ready, and it will be great to have a friend nearby. Truly wonderful.
Roxane, you always have a lot of wisdom to share and I look forward to joining you on the sidewalk. This will be one of the most the brave things I’ve ever done! I’m a bit nervous, but I am so happy to have an opportunity to embark on another journey together, and one with the best cause. We’ve been through quite a bit in our short time as friends, haven’t we? I know Emilie is watching and praying for us – without her, we may not have experienced this blessed friendship.
Thank you for your kind words.
-M
Roxane, I’m proud to see you standing firm for your convictions. Not always and easy or comfortable thing.
I’m still appalled at people’s belief that a fetus isn’t real or alive until a certain trimester and especially when it’s in that *blob* stage. Yet the blog stage already has a beating heart and brain forming.
I’m also abhor the thought of abortion being a form of birth control.
I don’t get radical over abortion. I’m not going to get in your face and call you a murderer, although I feel they are. Hate the action not the person, as Christ said in prayer to his father, “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.”
My compassion also play into this for some of the scared young women facing this decision. Fear motivates many of them.They’ve been raped or facing family judgement,fear of not being able to care for a baby at this time. A list of fears, no doubt. They see no other way.
Reaching these women before this happens is the ideal. Educating them in safe sex and birth control. Giving them options–your tragedy, getting pregnant, could be someone else’s joy through adoption.
Btw, you made a good point. The workers at these clinics truly believe they’re helping women.
Sia, thanks for your input! I think the vast majority of prolife folks are not radical in the sense of getting into people’s faces and calling those who seek abortions murderers. What’s helped is the women themselves coming forward and saying they regretted their choice and wish someone had been around to encourage them toward a different, life-giving choice. I have been hearing from these women for several years now. All of this has been a building process for me. I also do work for our local FirstChoice Clinic and actively support their mission on a personal level as well. This is one way of reaching the women before they get to the abortion facility’s sidewalk. However, it’s not always possible to know beforehand; oftentimes it’s a very private decision, so there is no way of those who want to encourage these women to get help and support in their pregnancy without actually being there. As I said, it’s not something I sought, but little by little have been compelled toward, through the bravery of others.
Roxane, I’ve done counseling work with women. I think we can only do what we can to give some of these women choices. We can’t reach everyone but we won’t reach anyone unless we speak up and try. You and your group are doing what you can. That’s called faith in action.
Sorry, if I seemed negative in any way, I’m not. And you’re correct, most prolife advocates are not the sort to get in anyone’s face. I’ve seen so many groups of women, like your group, quiet, god-fearing, and full of compassion.
I’m proud of you, Roxane, for your loving way of showing your faith.
Sia McKye’s Thoughts…OVER COFFEE
Sia, I didn’t take your comment negatively, but saw it as an opportunity to explain more of my intentions in this work. You are so sweet to come back with more explanation. Thank you, Sia. I agree that there is only so much we can do. And that if we do nothing, we can expect nothing to change. 🙂 Thanks again for your compassion and encouragement!