Living Faith: Our character, not reputation, counts most

I knew the truth of these words well before they crossed my sight in a recent social media meme. But 30 years ago, I was emerging from a childhood that, along with love, also introduced dysfunction.

I had a lot to experience before I could understand the life-changing truth of this meme.

How did I come to distinguish character from reputation? Like all good things, I have to credit my faith. But it wasn’t an instant knowing.

The building of our sense of our truest identity begins in childhood, and though I knew my father loved me, he was broken like we all are. Because of his own wounds, which I will never fully understand, he lashed out at me emotionally at times.

I was the little girl who questioned things and said them out loud — uncomfortable things. I noticed the elephant in the room and I wanted it to be named and seen.

I wanted to be named and seen, too, not silenced. My mother provided this unconditional love. My father expressed it, too, but often, it was clouded by his own unhealed hurts. Sometimes, his words for me had a doubtful tone.

Years later, I would come to see that the doubts were not about me but about how he regarded himself. As humans, we’re prone to working out our healing through others in a negative way, unfortunately. I’m sure my own children can point to ways my brokenness touched them in an unfair manner.

We are all imperfect, works-in-progress.

It was in part because of these childhood experiences that words affected me greatly and could rip into my soul quite easily. It would take decades to repair this and for me to understand my value properly. Once I grasped it, the opinions of others had far less impact.

With God as my starting point, I began to work from within to see myself the way God sees me — as a precious jewel.

During this time of rebuilding, a friend sent me a devotional book that began every heading with, “Dear Beloved…” Over time, I started to believe it and know that my value didn’t come from the opinions of others but from the gaze of God.

What a beautiful thing to discover! It’s something unreachable from the outside. Once you recognize the way God sees you, as a beloved daughter or son, the world cannot as easily access your heart.

I’m not saying I’m never touched by the cruelty of others. I’m human after all. But now, in middle age, I’m confident in who I am in God’s eyes, and my goal has become helping others know that exquisite, life-giving truth, too.

Do you realize your value comes from the very fact that you exist? Dear Beloved, it’s true. As Jesus said: “I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

[For the sake of having a repository for my newspaper columns and articles, I reprint them here, with permission, a week after their run date. The preceding ran in The Forum newspaper on March 16, 2025.]