In childhood, I learned to ignore the elephant that frequently cowered in the corner of our house. But the more I dismissed it, the larger it seemed to grow, often spilling into every room until I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Overcoming the dysfunctions of old has been a lifelong effort, but over time, and through hard work, I’ve become much braver. Now, I’m much less hesitant to not only notice but name the elephants. The more I acknowledge their presence, the fresher the air becomes.
I still hold that the elephants — those unspoken but larger-than-life issues — need to be called out, but in the coming weeks, I’ll be assessing things more carefully. As we head into the rest of these “holy days,” I’m taking on a new, though temporary, tactic.
We’ve just emerged from an onslaught of political discourse, and it really does seem prudent to let that rest for a while. Holidays should be a time for family unity, and though they often come accompanied by an elephant or two, maybe we can let the beasts nap for a bit.
Last year was different. Near the start of our family Christmas gathering in Bismarck, I didn’t hesitate to gently challenge relatives with important, even if controversial, subjects as we readied the meal. Despite inspiring a few disgruntled glances, it helped us know where everyone stood on current events. From there, we could move on and enjoy the turkey and board games.
But this year, the temperature feels a little different, and for that reason, I’m leaning on Scripture to guide my holiday discourse promptings; specifically, Proverbs 17:27: “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”
Thoughtfully, I also urge caution to anyone tempted to cave to the idea of some influencers, near and far, suggesting we decline invitations to gather with family this year. Only the devil himself delights in such advice. The world is hard enough without pushing away our kin.
Recently, someone posted on social media about her courageous decision to avoid family this Christmas. I found one response powerful: “What if it’s your last Christmas together?” Holding out the view of our certain death someday can help put things into quick perspective. What do we want our last gestures and words to be?
If we’re going to resist anything, it should be this harmful idea, even if our differences are enhanced right now. It seems to me we’ve been given a beautiful opportunity to put into practice something the world doesn’t understand; that true, unconditional love transcends differences.
Love is more powerful than anything, and worth practicing, with prudent restraint, in these next weeks. Instead of running from loved ones who’ve disappointed us, why not choose radical love?
Yes, I’m suggesting we pop out the presents, taste the turkey, sing the songs and pray the prayers. “For the light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5) — now or ever.
[For the sake of having a repository for my newspaper columns and articles, I reprint them here, with permission, a week after their run date. The preceding ran in The Forum newspaper on Dec. 1, 2024.]
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