I’ve been fasting from creating new blog posts throughout Lent to focus on other writing and pursuits. It’s been a productive, healthy break, but an issue has come up now that I feel important enough to merit breaking my fast a few days early.
It surrounds a topic that will be discussed today before the U.S. Supreme Court: California’s Proposition 8 (the ban on redefining marriage) and arguments on the Defense of Marriage Act, which defined marriage for federal government benefits.
There are many words that could help complete the picture of what is at stake, but a real visual is worth a thousand of them.
This…is what’s at stake:
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| morguefile.com |
Namely, marriage as we have known it throughout many ages, cultures, societies and religions; marriage as it is in truth — the union of one man and one woman and any children born from that union.
We are, through these decisions, facing the possible demise of the only civil institution that unites children with their mothers and fathers. And most of us are completely unaware of this fact.
Many erroneously believe it is about something else — adoption or homosexual unions or who is most fit to parent or who has the greatest capacity to love, or any number of related topics. But it is not. It is about the possible ending of the only civil institution that unites kids with their moms and dads.
And that’s serious; serious enough for me to come out of the closet of safety and say, “Take another look at this issue. Let’s have a discussion. Let’s talk respectfully, if you feel you can.” This is important. Our richest treasure and resource — our children — stand to lose if we don’t wake up.
Back in November I first broached the topic after reading a booklet that had come across my desk. You can read about that here.
The book I introduced, “Getting the Marriage Conversation Right: A Guide for Effective Dialogue,” by Bill May would be worth the brief read. In simple, clear terms it educates and offers tools.
Everyone, I would hope, can at least agree on this: the family in our society is in crisis.
Consider just a few related statistics:
- 71 percent of poor families with children are unmarried.
- A child is 11 times more likely to be abused in a home with a mother and boyfriend, and 4 times more likely in one that includes a co-habitating mother and father, compared to those who live in a home with both a mother and father.
- In fatherless homes, children are twice as likely to be arrested for a juvenile crime, treated for emotional and behavioral problems, and suspended or expelled from school.
Our children are paying the price, as will their children next.
So the question is, can we afford to eliminate the only civil institution that unites children with their mothers and fathers?
I have heard this issue being referred to as a civil rights or human rights issue, and I would agree. But marriage isn’t the right of anyone. Children, however, have a right to be brought up in a marriage between their mother and father. Children are not rights, either. They are gifts.
As Roger Scruton said in his essay from “The Meaning of Marriage,” “Take away marriage and you expose children to the risk of coming into the world as strangers, untutored by fathers or abandoned by mothers; a condition of abandonment in which they may remain for the rest of their lives.”
Are we ready for that kind of world? We’re already close. But there’s still time to wake up and make the right choice; the choice for the common good of all.
I know I’ve been awaken. I hope others will be, too.
May God be with us we look at the reality of this issue, and the consequences of possibly redefining marriage in the coming days, and may light prevail over all men and women of good will.
very well said Roxanne; its worth coming out of Passion Week to say all that; I am heartened that the new Anglican fella here in Uk Justin Welby is on your side; he has been forthright in his first statements about marriage and so called gay-marriage; he will meet with loads of oposition in his camp!
I always admire the ones, like yourself, that tackle the issues that can be polarizing and subject to fierce debate. You’ve illuminated a very reasoned and logical side of the debate and certainly made me think about the issue in a larger context- thank you for the enlightenment!
Denis, indeed, what a week to be discussing this topic. I feel a little crucified on my Facebook page and mirror blog that appears on our daily newspaper site, but not daunted by any means. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Vicky, this is what I love about you. You have SO many more important things to be dealing with right now, yet you have this beautiful ability to step outside of that and peek into another life, another thought, and regard it with thoughtfulness. You are a remarkable woman and friend!
Well said..kids ..they need a mother and a father married to each other. I could go on and say they also need one parent at home caring for them before they go to school..but I will shut up now:)
You are a wise woman and I love how you call it like it is, Connie. 🙂
Where did you pull your statistics from? I see no citation. Probably means you don’t even know what study it came from, much less whether or not the study was legit.
And where are the statistics on households with two moms or two dads? Those aren’t related statistics, those are UNrelated statistics.
Blog if you want, but don’t expect to be taken seriously if you can’t put in some effort to actually support your side. Fox News already has “facts” (read: lies) on lockdown.
I also don’t expect you to post this, but I hope you at least read it and understand my point.
Hi “Anonymous.” I’d be happy to cite them. Before I do, let me just say it’s a little sneaky to stay in the shadows and not reveal yourself. Come into the light!
Okay…here goes.
71 percent of poor families with children are unmarried. (Heritage study by Robert Rector, Sept. 13, 2010)
A child is 11 times more likely to be abused in a home with a mother and boyfriend and 4 times more likely in one that includes a co-habitating mother and father, compared to those who live in a home with both a mother and father. (Fourth National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2011)
In fatherless homes, children are twice as likely to be arrested for a juvenile crime (Chris Coughlin and Samuel Vuchinich, “Family Experience in Preadolescence and the Development of Male Delinquency.”)
….treated for emotional and behavioral problems (Deborah A. Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well-Being: Data from the 1988 National Health Interview Survey on Child Health.”)
…suspended or expelled from school (Wendy D. Manning and Kathleen A. Lamb, “Adolescent Well-Being in Cohabiting, Married and Single-Parent Families.”)
Roxane,
You have said it well. There is a book I read the other day that explains what is really at stake. It is not about homosexual relationships but about connecting children to their own mothers and fathers. Children have been an afterthought in this discussion. The book explained how to have dialog about this topic which can get confusing. It is Getting the Marriage Conversation Right http://j.mp/11sKVdy and is really a booklet. I think it took me less than an hour to read. I highly recommend it.