Last week, my column about life in a big family was published in our local daily newspaper. I enjoyed the comments that followed, both on my blog and through email. We big families need all the affirmation we can get. It’s not always the easiest course raising a larger than normal brood, that’s for sure.
In fact, earlier on in the journey, when we were in the thick of growing our family, we received our fair share of, let’s say, less-than-supportive comments about our “expansion project.” It didn’t help that there were times we both felt like we had stepped into quicksand and were at risk of sinking further and further into an abyss, a place where light and clarity was hard to come by.
I guess I want most of all to encourage families of small children, especially those carrying a larger than normal load, to know that things do get easier and the fog eventually dissipates.
This weekend, I experienced a moment of that fog-lift. It was when we were getting ready to head back to Fargo from our Thanksgiving visit in Bismarck. Having brought two vehicles to make room for some Christmas gifts that were being sent back with us, we realized the kids could split up rather than cram into one vehicle as was necessary on the way up.
“Let’s say boys in one car, girls in another,” Dad suggested. The idea was met with all kinds of thumbs-up. It was easily accepted — not a nay in the house — that this would be the very best arrangement of them all. Progesterone in one vehicle. Testosterone in the other. Agreed!
The progesterone-carrying vehicle stopped at the coffee-house drive-thru on the way out of town. The testosterone-filled rig made a pit-stop at a burger joint somewhere along the way, I’m fairly certain. Our girlie van played Christian and pop music. I’m afraid to ask what was coming through the speakers in the boy vehicle, but sometimes, it’s just better to not know.
What I do know is that we each had our own little party in our respective rigs, and everything seemed right with the world for an afternoon. It was one of those moments when I felt that, despite all the imperfections of life in a big family, it’s all so very worth it. No one was left feeling lonely, and all needs seemed to be met, even if only for a few hours.
So, if you’re still a few paces behind and feeling like the load is going to tip you over sideways, hang in there. Someday soon, you will be giving thumbs-up to one another in a small moment of triumph.
Q4U: What small moment of triumph did you experience this weekend?
This post was an answer to a prayer tonight! Thank you! As a young mom in the middle on our own “expansion project” this is the support we need – and don’t get too many places. Having been married 4 years and preggo with number 3 – some have taken issue with the fact that our family is growing and our living space and paychecks are not. But, we are happy!! Bless you and your witness!! And, congrats on getting a story like this into “mainstream” publication!
You need to plug your ears to those voices. Your family is what it is and who they are. All families have a unique make-up. We always have someone to share a memory with. (Oh, and just this min. I got a great big boy hug – ah, now, I’m good for the rest of the day.)
Roxane, Acknowledgements are cool. Glad to hear of the success of your article in the paper and the appreciation of your readers. 🙂
What a lovely moment. Those moments of mom and daughters and father and sons are always special. My family did that a lot too.
I come from a large family–6 brothers, 2 sisters, and a foster sister. Financially, things were rough at times, since my dad worked in the trades so we were either feast or famine, but I we learned to be “content with the present things” and Jesus words of “keeping the eye simple” rather than longing for all the THINGS others had. We also learned much about using our imaginations.
Since I was the oldest daughter I was second mama. You can imagine my lack of desire to have babies right away. I knew I wanted 4 children (to me that was a small family) but not until after I turned 25. Then I would start my family.
Things didn’t quite work out the way I planned–carrying children to birth was extremely difficult.
Falling back on the lessons learned in childhood I strived for contentment with the present things and devoted my time to 12 years in the full time ministry.
My only son, Jake, was my blessing. Whether you have a large family or a small family, each comes with it’s own trials and celebrations.
Our children are ALWAYS a gift to be cherished. 🙂
Roxane,
Beautiful post. I could feel the serenity in your writing. I’m so glad you had a nice Thanksgiving.
Blessings,
Marie
Roxane, you always have the best stories, and you are so good at the details that make it visual and memorable. “The progesterone-carrying vehicle” vs. “The testosterone-filled rig”. I can still “see” perfectly the post you did last year about the morning you sat outside the kids’ school, watching as parents dropped off diapers in droves and kids raced them to class for a competition. I think you said some even threw them up to the windows to save time. I remember because of your comment about how great it would be if we were that energized about “giving” all year long and because I felt like I was there, watching it with you. Your descriptions are ALWAYS so powerful. 🙂
Roxane,
As an oldest child of 7…I truely appreciate and sing the blessings of the parents of the lucky children. I had always wanted 10 kids, but my hubby requested we stop at 3…guess with the way my story unfolded, it is a good thing. The memories you are creating are so beautiful!
Congrats on the article! And, I’m still in awe of you having to take TWO vehicles on your Thanksgiving travels!!!
This sounds like a great afternoon in the girl/boy rigs! That would be a fun part of having a big family.
Sia, I get where you’re coming from. Things don’t always go as we planned when it comes to children–I have one daughter and she is the greatest blessing of my life. 🙂
I have meant to come back here and just haven’t been able to, but this was such a heartening discussion. Thanks to all. And Sia and Rosslyn, smaller families are every bit as precious as larger ones, to be sure. I’m so glad you have your son and daughter with whom you can share your life. Each child is an awesome treasure. 🙂 If all the world recognized that, the world would be a much more hospitable and loving place.
That is wonderful! Kids are such a blessing! 🙂