Parenting Perspectives: Always Starting Over
By Roxane B. Salonen, The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead
On the first day of this school year, I found myself harkening back to a clichéd piece of wisdom my father dished out years ago.
“You’re a big fish in a small pond now, you know.” But it was my voice this time, speaking to my fifth-grader as she hoisted her backpack onto her shoulders.
Her eyes lit at my words, the thought of being top dog for a year. She no doubt was imagining herself and her classmates donned in royal attire, stepping gallantly along a red velvet carpet through school halls, pinky fingers waving at the underclass underlings all bowing in unison.
But then the crusher. “Enjoy it, sweetie. Next year you’ll be a small fish in a big pond again.”
Her smile remained, but I could see the gears rolling in a new direction now.
Much as I wanted to scoff at my father whenever he brought things into proper perspective, everything looks different from the parenting side of the fence.
While I don’t wish to ruin my daughter’s final year of elementary school before it’s even really begun, there’s something incredibly judicious in the fish-pond analogy.
Even as my daughter has found her way to the top of the summit, her oldest and youngest brothers have found themselves at the bottom of the heap, one having started kindergarten, the other, high school.
“I didn’t make any friends yet,” my kindergartner announced after the first day. By day three, he claimed he’d made four, though he didn’t know their names. I love what this says about the 5-year-old mindset – how labels are far less important than whether your neighbor shared his crayons. It also reminds me that it’s just plain hard to start anew.
And then there’s my grandmother’s 90-year-old friend, whom I visited with my mother recently. She moved to Fargo a year ago to be near her daughter after living in Bismarck most of her life. But despite having a nice apartment, she seemed misplaced within it. Gazing out toward her balcony, past bright flowers and evergreen trees, she said quietly: “I miss my garden and my friends.”
I realized then that this starting-over thing never really ends.
The old adage my father so enjoyed drudging up has yet to outlive its usefulness, and I’m thinking it’s a lesson we can never learn well enough: to be reminded what it feels like to be the new kid in school.
Perhaps the lesson of humility is even more important than I’d considered that first day.
Whether 5 or 95, we’ve never really “arrived.” We’re always on our way to someplace new.
Roxane B. Salonen works as a freelance writer and children’s author in Fargo.
Awesome post Roxanne. “Whether 5 or 95, we’ve never really “arrived.” We’re always on our way to someplace new.”..love it. Good job!
Very wise, Roxanne. This is something that has been reinforced in me in the last couple years, too.
Love the details and quotes you weave in here! My favorite line is the “pinky finger waves.” Great image!
Thanks for brightening my Wednesday morning again with this great blog.
Hi gals! So glad to see you here this morning and know that my thoughts have been well-received. Wisdom often comes to me through the mouths of babes, Jane. 🙂
Reminds me of a poem I’ve recently shared with you by Erica Jong, “We have Arrived,” Even while we’re still climbing, we have arrived. It’s a spiral journey. Journey on!
It’s so true. The journey just keeps turning, moving on.
You reminded me about a time during our French life, when my youngest started nursery school. We asked him if he had made any French friends yet, and he insisted he hadn’t. It wasn’t until I saw him playing on the playground with a little guy and asked about him. “Isn’t he a French friend?”
“No,” Sam said. “He’s just a friend.” He didn’t think of him as speaking another language or being different in anyway–or that he himself was the different one, the foreigner. Kids just don’t think that way. I like that!
I think you’ve highlighted something we can all relate to and share stories about. Its both a glorious and fretful time when we are required to start over again, just as we were getting comfortable and familiar. I guess life requires we stretch and grown and some of these built transitions help ensure we aren’t sitting in one place too long 🙂 Blessings on your day 🙂
Mary, yes, isn’t that interesting how we can look at something that seems the opposite (never arriving and yes, indeed, having arrived) and really means something similar? I look at it as arriving, enjoying the arrival, then moving on to the next place of arrival. But we do have to stop and smell the roses upon arrival, for sure!
Becky, what a fabulous story! That is wonderful, and yes, very much like what I was trying to get at with the line about 5-year-olds.
Vicky, it really is something we can all relate to. I love how you say it can be both glorious and fretful. So true!
So true, Roxane! I think that’s the beauty of living, that there’s always something new ahead of us. 🙂
Excellent post! I sometimes hear others in the writing community refer to writers being ‘someone’ or ‘no one’ based on publishing status. I don’t think we should conceive of ourselves or others in that way. We’re all ‘someone’ in the sense that we’re valuable and loved by God, and ‘no one’ in the sense that we don’t need to puff ourselves up. 🙂
Re: your question: I would be delighted to interview on your blog! You can send me anything at inkhornblue followed by the at sign and then hotmail. (Is that roundabout enough to deceive the ‘bots?) Ha!
I just moved to Hawaii so I’m feeling all this stuff full on. I totally feel like a kindergartner, sad that I’ve only made…well one friend so far. But quality over quantity right? Moving to new places successfully probably relies on humility. great post!
Dayana, you have a great name. I hope Hawaii treats you well. One friend is one more than others who have been in the same place as you. It does take time. Baby steps. 🙂 Glad you have writing to bring you through it!