Dear God,
This week, as you know, my baby started kindergarten. In moments, I have wondered, how is he doing? What is he doing? What is he thinking? Is he sad? Happy? Does he miss me, even think of me at all?
We have been so connected these past years, my little buddy and I. And now, just like that, he is off on his own in the world, without me.
“The toilet has blue water — I can’t go to the bathroom,” he said at orientation. “It’s okay,” I said. “That just means it’s really clean.”
What if I hadn’t been there that day? He might have been afraid for months to go to the bathroom at school, had I not assured him that the cleaning solution used in the toilet was nothing to be concerned about. Would he have mentioned it to the teacher eventually? Or another child? Or kept it inside and worried?
Even though this change is indeed good, how I’ve wished in moments that I could be a fly on the wall of his classroom, buzzing near in moments, sending off a vibe of love just in case he’s in need of one.
And yet you, God, are the Fly of All Flies, perpetually there on the wall, never far from him. You will be with him when he’s lonely, I know this, and you will whisper to me on those days when he’ll need me more after school. You’ll help me know what to say to make things better, as you always have.
I cannot be that fly on the wall, but You are, dear God. You are there for him, just as you have always been there for me, always.
And you are the link that keeps us connected, even when we are apart. You will always be that link.
Thank you, God, for drawing the line that leads from my heart, to his, and back to You again.
Love always,
Roxane
Wow. Great post Roxanne and your read my mind. Our youngest starts preschool in a few weeks. Although she is a bold, scrappy little thing, I worry. Will the teacher know to remind her to go potty. Will the teach know she is REALLY picky about food. Will the teacerh know the best recourse with her is distraction. I want to be “The Fly” too. But you’re right. God is watching and he will be The Fly too.
You are pulling at my heartstrings with this. It takes such an act of courage and faith to turn our children over to someone else’s care for an extended amount of time. But this is such a wonderful reminder that we are not ever truly alone in any of this. Thanks for the gentle nudge.
Oh, this is beautiful!
Thank the Lord for going with all our babies, watching over them!
I completely understand about feeling weird about the blue toilet water. It freaks me out too! 🙂
Love your posts, Roxanne
Vicky and Rebecca, thanks for echoing my thoughts so well. We’re in this together! 🙂
You named one of my biggest fears, even for my older children, what if they’re worrying about something and never say it, and it could have been as simple as “the blue water means it’s really clean.” Thanks, God, for being there when I can’t be. You’re so good to us. Did you ever wonder if they worried about you, the mama, while they were away?
Found your blog from your comment on Wonders Never Cease and so glad I did. Great lesson – love the blue water comment. I too thought about kindergarten this week on my latest blog post. Start of School time holds so many lessons.
Nice to connect with you Roxane and I hope to continue to read more of your writing
I love this imagery here. Thanks.
Jean, I love connecting with new readers/bloggers! And if you are a reader of Rebecca’s, I admire you already. Thanks so much for stopping by. I’m heading over to visit you now.
Liz, so great to see you,too. 🙂
I remember those feelings..the last one off to school..think of it as a regeneration time..you have never had this free time between nine and three..now is time for you! 🙂
Connie, oh, you are such a wise woman and I so appreciate your perspective, and for giving me the green light to enjoy this time. So far, it has been an amazing feeling, and I’m realizing I’m more introvert than I have believed.