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But change is here; change that means my daytime hours can now be used for work that isn’t related to domesticity. I will no longer be forced to squeeze my writing into the 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. time period. I will be able to accept assignments that were not possible before and delve more deeply into my work as a writer.
This is all good. It’s as it should be. It’s time. And it helps that my youngest child in particular has been counting down to this day all summer long. The change seems to be good for everyone in our family.
But as more people around me realize my kids will all be in school during the days, they’ve begun extending invitations, making suggestions as to how I might fill up the space that will now be available. Honestly, I don’t fault them. The suggestions have all been well-intending. But I’ve had to learn to convey to them, as graciously as possible, that the space they have in mind is already accounted for.
In other words, I’m learning to say “No” even though not everyone will understand. Some will try, of course. Others might secretly wonder just how many bon-bons and soap operas I’ll be consuming in my free time. But as a writer, and one who is choosing to embrace the writing life to the full, the “new” time before me is sacred time that I will be working hard over the next year to protect.
I view this “new” time as time that will allow me to help keep my family fed and clothed in a different way, time that will be spent filing and learning how to run a business from home, time that will, on occasion, allow me a chance to work on creative projects that have been calling to me. This year will be all about trying to make the very best use of the hours that my children are in school for the benefit of all of us.
In Heather Sellers’ book, Page after Page, she dedicates a chapter to honoring writing time. She calls it, “How to Be Unpopular and Why.” She uses her friend Betsy as an example, noting how, in order to be a productive writer, “Betsy has had to remove herself from the contest called Most Popular Girl in Town.”
According to Sellers, Betsy says no, a lot. “Like training for a marathon, Betsy wisely conserves her energy.”
I can relate to Betsy right now. That’s not to say I will refuse to volunteer at school, exercise or attend meetings of my local communicator’s group. It doesn’t mean I will abandon my faith community or quit hosting radio a couple times a month or stop having lunch with friends. I will continue to do all the things that keep me healthy, but I will pace myself and assess my priorities anew.
My life is full, and as I look ahead, I see no empty spaces waiting to be filled. Even though it might seem otherwise from the outside, my schedule is already marked up. And in order to be a productive writer, I will continue to guard my time, to conserve energy, so that I can make the most of this life I’ve been given.
Q4U: When have you had to say “No” in order to protect your writing time?
Thank you for writing this… I have been struggling for some time now in an effort to find my “writing” time. I was using mornings but then I got sick and I have not found a new rhythm.
As for the Q4U… I do not say no and that is a problem. My writing is subservient to so many other parts of my life. As a result, my life is not as integrated as much as I would like it to be.
Much for me to ponder and pray with here. Thank you for your witness, your words, your presence. Prayers for you as the next does not exactly empty, but it does shift. Peace to you and yours.
I have lots of writing time: no kids, no job, just me and my thoughts! Even though it’s frustrating not having a job, I’m trying to see the positive in it. I can work on my writing without feeling too guilty (the floundering economy isn’t my fault afterall!) and there are hundreds of writers out there who wish they were writing full time. So I try to be grateful for the situation I’m in and use this time I have to the fullest. Even though I’d much rather have a job than all this writing time, I’m sure when I do get a job I’ll be wishing for my writing time back, lol! (The grass is always greener!)
I hope you get a lot of things done now that your house is quiet for several hours, Roxane! Enjoy it!
What helped me was doing an introspective process where I wrote my personal mission statement and purpose statement. From there, when taking on any new activity (or continuing old ones), I asked whether the activity fit into my mission/purpose. That made saying NO much clearer and easier.
Yes! Roxane, good for you for claiming your time and stating clearly that you are a writer and that you are “going to work” now that you have the time and space to do so. I’m also “going to work” this year, as I have for a while now. I say yes when I need to be filled up with coffee and conversation. I say yes when my kids need me at school. I say no when I’m needing creative space. And, I say YES to myself as a writer and musician and piano teacher. Much success to you!
PS: Don’t get frustrated when you realize that your time isn’t as free as you’d anticipated. We do much as mothers whether the kids are in the house or not. They still eat, get sick, diry laundry, and need our time and attention.
Fran, glad my post resonated. I hope you will find more spaces for writing in the coming year. 🙂
Jane, what a great idea! I feel like I’ve done that informally but I know how helpful it is to make it plain. Thanks!
Laura, it’s a really tough economy but you have a great attitude. You are going to be better prepared when that job comes along because of what you’re doing with your writing now. It’s blessed time, even when we feel like we’re spinning our wheels a bit.
And Mary, good advice on the P.S. I have a feeling I will realize soon it’s not so “free” after all. Good heads up for me!
GREAT subject! You are wise to recognize this immediately and already develop a prudent response.
This is a huge issue for me — and probably anyone working from home. Friends, relatives and neighbors — all very well meaning — just don’t get it. I may not be at an outside office, in a cubicle with a boss around the corner, but I still can’t go and play at any random hour.
I wish I could tell you that after a year or so people got the message. But for me it has required an ongoing education, a continual guarding of my writing time.
But the thing is, saying no to other things in order to say yes to your passion shows a lot of respect and wisdom on your part. And though you may lose the Fargo Ladies Popularity Content, I suspect a lot of the players deep down will respect (and maybe envy) you.
I’m still learning as I go how to achieve the right balance. For instance, going out to lunch still causes a major break in my productivity. Maybe I need to master the art of a quick lunch. But anytime you’re out to lunch it’s just so much longer than a simple meal at home. So it’s something I’ve largely passed on with few exceptions. I might have to try Jane’s excellent tip on the mission statement. You’d think that would yield a clear yes/no answer.
Although I’m technically not writing whilst at home, I mean, who can actually concentrate with these kids buzzing around. 🙂 However, I do manage to “work” from my home. Yes, I mean the kind of work that I actually earn a meager paycheck for. Some people don’t really get that I actually have an office at home and some hours of my day I do real live work for other people (business professionals even!). In between raising these kids, of course. Jim read an article the other day how this concept is lost on people. They think that just because you’re home, you’re free and people will ask anything of you. Because of course, you have nothing else you’re doing. So, could you pick up my sick kid at school? Could you let the cable guy in? Etc. Just recently, my neighbor asked me if I could watch her soon-to-be kindergartner in the mornings before she goes to school, while she’s at work. (She figured since I’m home, getting my own child ready for school.) Ah, nope. Sorry. I actually have work to do in the morning. I barely manage it with my own two kids so I can’t throw in another kid. And nope, I won’t let your other two kids come over after school either. I have a job too! I just happen to not leave my house. So, even my freelance job is foreign to people, I can’t imagine the kind of dazed and confused looks you must get saying you’ll be working on your writing (and consequently your writing business). Which is work too, albeit an immediate monetary gain! So, I’m all about empowerment and controlling your own time. Saying NO feels so good…!!
Excellent post! I love the chapter title: “How to be Unpopular and Why.” 🙂
I have gradually learned the same lesson. It is difficult for friends to understand sometimes that writing is a job, and consumes large amounts of our time. But we have to guard that time with vigilance.
Rosslyn,
Isn’t that a great title? I love it, too. It definitely is one that stuck with me after I read it this summer. It’s very empowering, actually, to hear that from another writer who knows it well. 🙂
Heading to your blog now!