The more deeply into the faith life I plunge, the more aware I am of how alone we are as believers in a world filled with disbelief. Recently, while doing a medical screening, I was asked to explain part of my faith life that I was not expecting to have to defend. My answer surprised me. I responded with gentle but certain conviction. Until that moment, I don’t know that I was aware how strong I am in my beliefs, how much a part of me they have become. Sometimes we don’t know until we are asked on the spot.
The response from the medical personnel was interesting, too. She did not treat me with hostility, but with curiosity as one would someone, some thing, from another planet. At that moment, I felt very alone in my faith, even if secure in it.
When I am conversing with my faith brothers and sisters, I am in a grace-filled channel, and when I’m in this place, everything flows smoothly, easily. I am invigorated, using all of who I am in my actions and words, not denying my spirit. This is true freedom and it’s exhilarating. It feels right and good. When I am not in this place, I realize that no matter how endeared to my faith I might be, I am still in the world, and as long as I am that will never change. I really am an alien in that sense, not yet home. My heart will always yearn for what has not yet come.
It’s sort of an odd thing to ponder. And I don’t mean to shun the world by any means. God gave us this world, too, in order to help us learn to love. As believers, we are not called to turn our backs on the world. God wants us to be a part of it even if not fully entangled with it. Our presence is needed and we need the strength of others as we move along our journey toward the next place.
Alone as I felt that day in the screening room, it was only a few days later that someone crossed onto my path quite unexpectedly. I was at a coffee shop writing an article when he brushed past my table just a few minutes before closing. Then he backtracked, having noticed a book lying next to my laptop. “Have you read this?” he said. It was the start of a very intense, though brief, faith-filled discussion. Because our faith was the base of the discussion, it was invigorating and light-filled. Long introductions weren’t necessary. We knew we’d just bumped into a fellow faith sibling. It was as if a mini-reunion were taking place.
Following this meeting, I realized there are times in our lives as believers that we are going to feel very alone, like ducks swimming in water that is the wrong temperature for our particular feathers. But as I also have found, there will be times when God will nudge people onto our path to remind us that we are not alone at all, that there are others emanating the Christ light in our midst, and even if we don’t know their name at first, when we bump into them we’ll recognize them by their spirit.
I can’t help but smile at God’s ways; how in the same week I would be reminded both that I am quite alone and not alone at all in this faith journey. It can be confusing at times to live in the world. We might wonder frequently how we’ll ever find the courage to stay the course. And then, just when we’re questioning it all, God will find a way to reassure us, to let us know we’ll never be abandoned and we’ll always have fellow journey men and women on the path alongside, behind and before us.
I imagine that heaven will be filled with incidences of soul-bumping, each soul emanating the Christ light. At the point of impact, conversation will be free and light and good, and love will be uncomplicated, pure and enduring.
Q 4 U: When was the last time you bumped into a fellow faith-seeker who helped you realize you’re not alone?
A beautiful post. Thanks for expressing this particular experience of the faith-based life!
I wonder sometimes what non-believing friends from previous phases of my life think if they happen to stumble across my blog when I make an open reference to my Christian faith, or, even scarier, to Christ himself. Some of those acquaintances from my past are more open-minded than others. For some of the people with whom I went to college, this change in me would make me just as you described: like a thing from another planet. And not an admirable alien, either! The stereotype of Christians in academic circles tends to be that we are crazy, stupid, and hateful. So most of the time, I try not to think about those types of reactions. I can’t help them or affect what they think except by remaining true to what I believe, and by reflecting God’s love as much as I can (though I’m certainly not perfect in that either).
That occasional gap between the faith world and the secular world is why I really value having believing writer friends.
Rosslyn, thanks for the thoughtful comment. I feel your concern, though there isn’t such a dichotomy between my old life and my new (that’s not to say some might not be bewildered, because I’ve definitely grown in my faith). I’d say the gap between the faith and secular worlds are more than occasional. I feel the division each and every day in some form or another.The difficult part of it is that we are convicted that we are all cut of the same cloth as children of God, but we do speak an entirely different language, and that distances us from our non-believing brothers and sisters, even though they are just as human, just as much made of spirit as we are. It’s so trying at times to feel this delineation.
But in the end, Ross, I wouldn’t worry too much about those reactions you can’t control, even though I understand that you will wonder from time to time. That’s human! I’m sure that as you grow more public, this thought is more prominent. But I feel you have the potential to do much good in your “new” self. Stay strong, and yes, stay close to your fellow believers, who will undoubtedly give you strength for whatever is ahead.
Great post, Roxane, and comment thread, fellow faith travelers. 🙂 The delicate balance between being in, not of, the world is tricky, so often leaning more toward the worldly direction. I am continually heartened by scripture to be who I am as God’s child. I’m still probably too timid, but if I put myself aside, the words I speak (or write) will be used. Mark 13:11 “do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit” and Isaiah 55:11 “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it” are 2 examples. When I am especially apprehensive about entering a non-believer’s realm, I remember Luke 10:5-6, “When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ If a man of peace is there, your peace will rest on him; if not, it will return to you.” Offering God’s peace is always good and right. If it’s not accepted, it returns to us! Walk in peace in the Light!
Awesome post, Roxane. And I love when I find a fellow follower along the way. You’re so right! It does feel like a miniature family reunion!
Thank you for blessing me with this post today. And thank you for your courage in calmly explaining your medical/faith decisions to the health worker. It’s a good witness to everyone concerned!
Jane, oh, I love it when my faith friends point out Scripture passages that fit with my posts. Thank you Holy Spirit, and thank you Jane for finding just the right ones to share. I also love your words, “Offering God’s peace is always good and right.” Can’t come to a better place than a blog named “Peace Garden Mama.”
Rebecca, I wish I could take credit for my bravery, but I totally shine the light on God, who has given me all the courage I need (despite myself) to do His good work. All I have to do is keep following Him and being open to whatever He would do with me. It’s actually very freeing to be a vessel for the Lord, as I know you know. 🙂
This conversation is a great morning read. Thanks Roxane and Followers. I wrote down that verse from Mark. I pray so often, “Please, God, give me the right words,” when I write and when I’m in conversations, especially emotionally filled conversations. I find myself in Divine Appointments every day.