“First Job” – R.B. Salonen
Yesterday my daughter arose, all on her own accord.
While the sun and I slumbered on, blissfully unaware,
She got up, got ready for her first real job at the age of twelve.
This is no slave labor, nor a task for which she’s unfit.
Instead, the position is one she’s been preparing to take on
Ever since her brown-eyed baby sister joined our family in ’00.
Back then, at age three, her nurturing tank was activated.
A babysitter’s job-in-training course ensued the very moment
She leaned over to touch and kiss the wee one, her baby “Di-di.”
The other day, as the sun and I began to stir and her ride arrived,
It occurred to me that the earth had not shifted, no sea had divided.
Well, not on the outside, anyway, though they did within my being.
For her, it’s about money, the chance to earn and collect
And buy the things for which she’s been yearning these days:
A c.d., a pay-as-you-go phone, a trip to the moon, for all I know.
But a mother’s gaze is rarely fixed solely on the present.
Instead, it is both backward-glancing and forward-looking.
It is impossible for a mother’s thoughts to be in one place only.
Backward, I recalled that first day — the tiny pink body
Placed gently in the warmer, and eyes opening in surprise,
And my own heart melting as it did like popsicles in summer.
Forward, I imagined the possibilities of her life someday,
After the hormones have leveled and the soul has relented,
And all that she’s absorbed will be the base of all she’s to become.
At the moment of collision of both backward and forward,
I couldn’t help but wonder whether I had done what’s necessary.
Now, I thought, is when my will for her life makes way for God’s.
Oh, Roxane!! That was beautifully written. What an exciting time that your daughter is reaching the age where she is responsible enough to handle a REAL babysitting job and that you can lie in bed while she gets up, gets ready, and goes off! And I can totally relate to your thoughts that we as mothers are constantly looking backward and forward, that our eyes are never in one spot.
And I’m crying. Beautiful, Roxane. How wonderful to have a child old enough to babysit–it’s like a dream come true. But it is kind of sad that they have to grow up. I find myself looking backward and forward constantly. I need to learn to enjoy NOW.
Thanks Jody and Natalie. And I should clarify that I, too, agree we need to live in the present as much as possible. The looking back often is with happy remembrances of young motherhood, the sweet moments, even the intensity of it, and the forward glances are all hope-filled as well. But I don’t think we can help but have this full range of vision as mothers. It’s just part of what the job requires. It definitely goes quickly, just like they say, but then, so does life. And yes, it’s bittersweet! Mostly, though, I was really proud of my daughter. I tried to convey that without saying it. Blessings to you both!
It’s good to remember it all. My sons are grown into men now.
Gorgeous, and so true about forward- and backward-looking. I love this poem, Roxane. My son is also twelve, and I find myself tearing up regularly at how deeply and desperately I love him, and how these days are passing much, much too fast.
May God bless you richly this week.
As always, so beautifully written, Roxane – another candidate for your book of wisdom (remember, the first 50 copies are mine). Wyatt, my oldest, is in 7th grade this year and we have begun letting him watch our other two kids while we go out for dinner sometimes. He is so proud of himself. And I am proud of him too.
Shannon, that’s about the year our in-house sitter started work as well. Isn’t that an awesome deal? And they really do learn important life skills, even though they’d rather take care of someone else’s kids and not their own siblings, most of the time. 🙂 You are so sweet. I’m totally filing that idea for after my children’s novel is done!
The clock is ticking, and I get my oldest for less than three more years. I start to wonder what will they really end up doing for jobs, what type of women will they be attracted to, where will they live, and what memories will they have of growing up with me for a mom? I think they might say, “She was always playing the piano.” Or, clicking on some type of keyboard!
Roxane.
Frankly saying it, being a mother has always been a difficult task. It is so because you will never know what your kids will do in the future. That’s the point my mom and my grandmother always stressed to me 2 decades ago.
And one thing,besides that, that makes me feel happy is, did you get your hands cold son?