Mama Mondays: Hug Bugs
Me and Huggiest Bug, January 2003
I’m not sure what’s gotten into my middle son, 7, but lately, he’s been extra affectionate toward me. Trust me, I am not taking this for granted.
“I love you second,” he said to me today, after telling me for about the eleventh time that he loves me. He’d searched me out, found me napping in a quiet spot on a futon, and proceeded to snuggle in close. I was all too happy to have him near.
“Who’s first on your list?” I asked.
“God,” he said, “then you, then Dad.”
Can’t beat that, I guess, but I know that it won’t always be this way. I know how it is with kids. They go in phases. Sometimes, they seek affection primarily from their mothers. Other times, it’s the dads who get the most attention.
But right now, my guy is in a Mom phase, just cause, apparently. And I am absorbing all of the hugs and words of affection with the utmost gratitude. Someday, he’ll be more likely to walk away than toward me. Someday, he will not seek out my mommy arms to comfort him. Someday, that will all be the stuff of the past. I know this. And knowing it makes me savor these moments when he approaches me with outstretched arms, or says, unprompted, “I love you, Mom,” several times a day. Oh, I am eating this up alright. It is pure gift.
I’m thinking this all could be a delayed reaction from his having been “de-throned” earlier than he would have liked. He was not quite three when his little brother entered the world, and even younger when my bulging tummy pushed him out of my lap. It was too soon. Every year since his little brother’s existence, he’s continued to be nudged away by one more aggressive than he, again and again. I think his displays of affection right now are some kind of re-staking his claim to Mom.
Even today, he almost lost his coveted spot. While the two of us relaxed and rested together on that napping couch, little guy found us and wriggled his way in under my other arm. After more wiggling and readjusting, we settled and I found myself in the most wonderful place with two adoring little boys curled into me. Because I don’t have an infant right now, I’m not anywhere near being “touched out” out when it comes to affection. In years past, during the nursing years especially, this sometimes was the case. But right now, I’m as receptive as I’ve ever been to these spontaneous little circles of love.
At the height of our resting time together, I said to myself, I want to remember this. I paid close attention to how I felt. I was as peaceful as I could ever remember being, and that feeling of deep affection that permeates your whole body when you’re encircled in love washed over me. I could think of no place I’d rather be than right there in that quiet room with my two little boys nestled near.
We all need the human touch. We all deserve such moments of absolute peace and love. And no matter how tall our kids grow, they are among those “all” who need this touch. A simple hug will do.
The hugs I received and gave today provided me with an injection of love that will last beyond that hour. They were medicine for the soul that I hope to remember throughout the week ahead.
If you haven’t been hugged yet today by someone you love, I hope you will seek it out. Go ahead — right now if they’re near. If not, as soon as you see them next, give them a hug. You won’t regret it.
Question to parents: If you have older children, do you still hug them? If not, why not?
What a beautiful post, Roxane! I could just picture you snuggled up with your two boys! I have an older son who’s in the phase of I’m-Growing-Up and Don’t-Like-All-The-Rules. So he’s definitely not in the huggy mode. But my six year old is still very much that way. I just adore his hugs and kisses. Thank you for that very true reminder that he won’t always lavish them on me and that I need to soak them in right now! It won’t be too many years before he’s in the Growing-Up phase too.
Thanks Roxane. The times between hugs and my 15 year old son are few and far between and I have been feeling a little un-needed.
My sons are 20 and 24. The hugs are fewer, but we still have them.
I adore this post Roxane. Murray was always a daddy’s boy (even when I was nursing), but he’s recently begun the transformation to mama’s boy. I’m love it; even when I hear him calling “mama,mama, MAAAMAAA” at three am. Craig just laughs and goes back to sleep, but I don’t mind. I love being wanted. I have serious baby fever;I didn’t know that feeling was real before we conceived Murray! Looking forward to our get together.
Marie
My seven-year-old son is going through the same kind of lovey phase – I love it! 🙂
My oldest is almost 13. He has ALWAYS been a cuddle-bug. I get many hugs and “I love you’s” from him each day. I truly hope it never changes. I suppose that if it ever does, I’ll just have to hug him whether he likes it or not! 🙂
Beautiful blog!
http://www.shannonkodonnell.blogspot.com
What a wonderful post, Roxane. I hug my kids, still, whether they like it or not. (They do, actually). I grew up with wonderful, supportive, loving parents who were nonetheless not touchy-feely. Let’s just say I overcompensate (and my kids, NO DOUBT, will overcompensate for MY faults. Guaranteed.)
Enjoy these snuggly times, and God bless.
(BTW, your words on my blog today encouraged me so much…more than I can say, Roxane. You are a blessing. Thank you.)
My kids are all little so we still spend a lot of time snuggling. I hope they’ll still hug me when they get big!
What a sweet post 🙂
Oh yes. Mine is 14. We’ve had our moments of head to head, but I tell him it’s my job to give and his to receive hugs. I remind him that when we give a hug we get one in return and we all need hugs. 🙂
Jake was very much like your 7 year old at the same age and I find I miss that closeness. He went through that embarrassment stage. OH gads, hugs from mom. But then some of his friends would say, wow, your mom is so cool. I wish mine would still hug me. Changed his perspective a bit. 🙂
He’s a very loving person though. Babies love him as do small kids, and he makes time for them. His greatest fan is my grandniece Joss who is 2. She loves him to death and it’s mutual. He’ll be a great dad.
Thanks for the reminder of the sweetness of our boys.
I feel like you all just gave me a big old hug. Thanks for your great responses to my bug hug post! It’s the little things in life that make life so worthwhile and lovely. I’m so glad to know I’m not the only mom who cherishes this simple but profound gesture of love. Thanks to you all for stopping by with your stories.
So beautiful, relish in it!
What a beautiful post and a wonderful way to rediscover your blog. It had been a while. I can completely relate as my boys are almost 2 and 4. Thanks for the reminder to slow down.