Toward the end of my last session with my spiritual director, he asked this question: “Why are you here?” I paused for a moment, wondering if he might have meant, “What are you doing here in my office?” But it took only a short time to realize that, no, he was asking the BIG question: why are you here? I also knew that, in his capacity as SD, he was asking from a spiritual perspective. He was wasting no time, this being only our second meeting. We were skipping past the small things and heading right to the big stuff.
“Well,” I said, “I think there are two main reasons. One, to bring my children into the world and see them through it as well as guide them into the next.” I paused again. “And the other reason has something to do with my desire to inspire people, to offer something valuable to them, to give them hope.”
Seemingly satisfied with my answers, he suggested that the second of those reasons for my existence was the BIGGEST of the big. Not to discount my role of mother in any way. His point was that my existence as child of God comes first, and that of a mother comes second. The two, of course, need to be in balance as well as possible, and there are times one will appear more prominent than the other. There will be years when the mothering aspect extolls the most energy. But at bottom, I began as and will always be a child of God first, and there is a wider purpose for my being here aside from motherhood.
In light of being in the middle of some fairly intense mothering years, it was interesting for me to ponder this, to think “big picture” instead of all of the detaily matters that seem to consume the bulk of my hours. In fact, I haven’t really quit thinking about it. How many of us parents, while in the midst of self-sacrifice, really understand that our role as God’s children supercedes all else? That our role as parents, while one of our primary roles, is not the biggest of the big?
I found the thought refreshing, profound and one to keep pondering.
So then, why are you here?