Soulful Saturdays
My summer with the Salonen zoo kids has come to an end. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am so grateful that I have been able to stay home with our children during their most tender years. But I’m not quite ready to be a martyr for the cause. And yet, some days, being home with five lively children in the summertime feels a little bit like that. Much as I enjoyed the more relaxed schedule, I’m relieved it’s over, and happy to hand them off to other qualified adults through part of the day. The distance is needed both ways. I’m simply not capable of providing for every need of our children. And I’m grateful for the schools that are dedicated to that cause while I continue to provide for many other needs — physical, emotional and spiritual. With all that on my plate, I’ve still got my work cut out for me, but now I can take it in smaller and less intense increments. **sigh of relief** It’s a much healthier existence for the most part right now, in other words.
Throughout the summer, during the most intense moments, I began pondering something that I’m just now, in the more quiet spaces, able to articulate. I have come to understand more fully that through being parents, we come closer to sanctification.
Bear with me, because some of you may well be scratching your heads about now. Say what? First, a definition of the word sanctification: “refers to the act or process of making sacred or setting apart as special. To sanctify is literally ‘to set apart for special use or purpose,’ figuratively ‘to make holy or sacred.’ ” The Wikipedia definition I’m using includes the condition that, from a Catholic perspective, holiness includes suffering. “It is not that pleasure were evil in itself, but that suffering purifies one’s love of God.”
Perhaps now it’s becoming clearer where I’m heading with this. Parenting is a journey that encompasses a lot of suffering. It might start in infanthood as we try to sit out a night of raw nerves while our toddler screams out for his no-longer-available pacifier (see my friend Marie’s recent account of this on Murray’s Momma, “Dreaming of Sleep” post). Or even earlier than that, as we try to console a colicky baby. Later, it might emerge in the form of temper tantrums, and after that, high drama emotional tirades that spew forth from our hormonal adolescents.
These are the occasions that cause parents to say, “Parenting is the hardest job in the world.” It is not hard in terms of intellectual demand. But it is truly humbling and difficult-to-the-core in terms of emotional and spiritual demand. Anyone who says otherwise is either not a parent or has a memory deficiency.
The only thing that really got me through this summer was this idea of sanctification through parenting. I am viewing this through Catholic eyes, mind you, and the idea that suffering can be productive. But let me clarify further. God does not enjoy seeing us suffer. God is with us as we suffer. He does not cause it. He offers us grace to bear it. That is how God works, and that is why suffering exists in the world despite a loving God at the helm. God also understands, as did Jesus on the cross, that it is only through suffering that we can truly draw closer to Him. The more one suffers, the more opportunities to draw near to his or her Creator. This is fact. And it is from this that I take solace in the reality that, despite the arduous nature of parenting, whether one child or five or ten, fruit will come forth through the difficult moments if we allow ourselves to view suffering through that lens. Whether it be cleaning up another blow-out diaper, or being called to the principal’s office because of an infraction by our child, all of these suffering moments can bring us closer to God, if we let them, and can transform us into holier people. Not perfect people, not the impossible, but holier than we were before.
In that way, parenting, even on the very worst days — in fact, especially on the worst days — is getting us one step closer to heaven. So if you’re having a particularly rough day, don’t give up. When you can, take a break, nurture yourself for a while, and be mindful of this fact: You’re getting closer.
What are some ways you’ve drawn closer to God through suffering moments?
great read Roxane, thanks for the post…
I try to take a two minute vacation..sometimes helps..sometimes it doesn’t. :O
I agree with some of your points. While reading I was remined of what a wise person said to me once, “Grayquill you don’t have to be a perfect parent, just a good enough parent.” That really helped me. I don’t understand the getting closer to heaven thing. I know suffering is part of the process for refining us. But how does it make us closer to heaven?
BTW – I love how you write.
Grayquill, I think you’ve given me an idea for my next post. This definitely requires a proper follow up — thanks so much for your honesty. For now, let me offer the short answer to your q. I believe life is a journey toward heaven (or not). The experiences we encounter along the way bring us closer to or further from that ultimate destiny. I think suffering, when we understand what fruits we can gain from it, put us in the mindset that will, when the time comes, draw us to Christ, to God. My thought is that attaining heaven will be more our choice, rather than a rejection by or acceptance from God. If we’ve put on the mind of Christ in our lives here, we’ll be more inclined to choose the good thing when it’s presented to us. If not, the darkness will be what seems most comfortable. When we allow our suffering to transform us, to make us holier people, we are moving in that heavenly direction more assuredly. A lot here, obviously, too much for one small post, but thanks for asking! Though still not quite enough, hope it makes a little more sense now.
I now understand better – I have a friend explained it to me that way also. From a logic point of view I guess it makes sense, “what we are most comfortable we will choose.” That view point seems to be in conflict with the principle – what Christ did on the cross was sufficent. It also seems to be in conflict with the pricniple – we are unable to work our way into right relationship with God. Christ has made us complete in Him. Collisions 2:9
Thank you for commenting back – I love reading other points of view.
Thank you also for your very nice comment on my blog.
Grayquill, Aha! An ongoing discussion. I love it. Thanks for your second response. Let me start by saying that I am not a theologian, so while I feel confident in my thoughts here, I would have to look to other resources to give you a clearer theological explanation. Since I am in between dusting and scrubbing the kitchen floor at the moment (really and seriously), I will pause to offer you, again, the very short version in the light of “I’m not theologian, but these are my thoughts” viewpoint. You are right. What Christ did was sufficient. That said, there is still some culpability on our parts. We still must cooperate with Him in obtaining salvation. He’s offered it to us, but that’s not all there is to it. We do play a part here. When Christ said, “It is finished,” He didn’t mean, it’s done, you all can do whatever you want to now, you can do nothing to change whether or you are saved because it’s already been done. He’s paved the way for us, but our salvation is still worked out each day of our lives in cooperation with Christ. If we really have no responsibility here, nothing we can do to further the cause, then why try? Why live? What is the purpose of moving through the journey if there is nothing left to be worked out? Also, good acts follow faith. The two go hand in hand. No, we don’t get to heaven through acts alone, but if we are truly faithful, that will most definitely be translated into action. It is the grace we receive through acting and living in accordance with Christ that compel us toward Him and allow us to bear the cross with Him. Again, IMHO. There is much more to it and we could definitely get deeper here, but that’s all I’ve got for now. Back to getting deep with the kitchen floor! 🙂 Blessings, Roxane
Grayquill, I found a site online that is much more eloquent than I am in explaining how I feel about the reach toward heaven. Hope this helps: http://www.catholic.org/featured/headline.php?ID=105
What a wonderful post and a great discussion, Grayquill and Roxane. I agree with both of you..Christ’s death was enough to save us (thank God), yet even Paul did not consider that he had yet attained the level of sanctification he hoped for in this life. That constant yearning to please is not, in my opinion, so we can EARN salvation, but to please the One who saved us. In other words, children do not paint us beautiful refrigerator pictures so we will love them; in happy families they KNOW we love them. They do it because THEY love US, and want to please us. They are working out a better *relationship* with us, which stems naturally from their desire to please.
Jesus saved me; I love Him. I want to offer Him my best. The earthly yearning to do that will never be satisfied, just as Paul himself didn’t feel satisfied. But we strive and yearn and toil toward the goal, running the race marked out for us. With every lap, with every improved refrigerator picture, we have learned about God and about ourselves…which continues to sanctify us for His purposes.
Roxane, I sincerely hope you do not think I needed to improve upon your wonderful thoughts–they are right on. I just love to chime in with my own. 🙂 Thank you for allowing me to enter the conversation and God bless you both richly!
(Oh, and…if parenting is not a huge endeavor in sanctification I don’t know what is! The sleepless nights are just the beginning of surpressing our own desires for the good of another…and we must do it day after day. Thank God for our children…and for the lessons they teach us!)
Gwen, firstly, you are more than welcomed to join in, and I’m so glad that you did. I love your analogy of the child creating a work of art for the fridge. That is an apt connector for me. Also, the feeling I’m getting as I’m reading through these thoughts and responding to them is that all of us are offering little pieces of the truth as understood from our minds and hearts, and I can only imagine how pleased God is with our efforts to know Him better. Thanks to both of you for making this a lively discussion! The one other thought I have is on humility, and how intimately woven into all of this that virtue is. In my mind, parenthood does about the best job of any vocation at teaching us humility, and it is only through humble eyes that we can truly see Christ in all of His vitality. Again, appreciate the back and forth, and I’d welcome this kind of respectful discussion any time.