Writing Wednesdays
I can hardly believe that in less than a month, I will be strolling the grounds of St. Benedict’s Monastery in St. Joseph, Minnesota, staring at this glassy pond, inhaling and exhaling deeply. Even in merely looking at this photo in anticipation, a growing calm is beginning to take hold.
Last summer was my first to take part in the scholars-in-residence program, Studium, offered by the lovely religious sisters at St. Ben’s. According to their website, three major realities are intertwined in monastic life: the love of learning, the desire for God and the commitment to beauty. I definitely found all three present in my visit last year, and I grieved when it ended, though I was eager to return to my family.
My visit there reminded me that we all need time away from whatever it is that captures our energy on a regular basis — and busy mothers are no exception. A friend recently told me, “I like how you preserve a certain part of yourself for yourself, if that makes sense.” It does make sense, and though it might seem selfish on the outside, I really believe it’s just the opposite of that. When we take time to redirect the energy that has been depleted in serving others, we replenish the supply so there is more to give away again later.
Last summer, the haven for which I was thirsting at the end of a long summer came to me in the form of St. Ben’s. I discovered so much about myself in that all-too-short week, including that I deeply crave introspection. Though I fall more readily into the “extrovert” category when it comes to where I draw the bulk of my energy, I found there that time alone is a precious need of mine as well. While at St. Ben’s, I found myself greatly enjoying the life of solitude, which was regularly broken up with midday and evening prayer. Given my Night Owl tendencies, I excluded myself from morning prayer and ate breakfast by myself back in my “apartment.” I welcomed midday prayer and lunch with the sisters, retreated back to my space to work, and then merged again with the others for evening prayer and dinner. It was a wonderful and welcomed routine.
Learning I was being given another opportunity at St. Ben’s was more than a cause for celebration. As before, I chose summer’s end for my reprieve. It is then that I seem most in need of the emotional space and calm Studium offers. And so it will be, soon, thanks in large part to my in-laws’ gracious help with the kids. They are gone most of the year now, with a retirement getaway in Arkansas, but they more than make up for their absence by welcoming our children to their home for revolving spans in the summer.
I will share more soon about what it is I’m actually going to be doing when I don my “scholar” hat at St. Ben’s, though I’ll give you an obvious hint: it has something to do with writing. For now, my question for you is this:
How and where do you seek reprieve? Whether you are a parent of lively children, or a writer with a busy life outside of writing, how do you carve out space that allows you to replenish your reserves?
Good question, one upon which I will reflect. Off of the top of my head,I can’t think of anything, anywhere, anytime, that I let everything go and focus on reprieve. The lake is my favorite place on earth, but not a place that I visit without activity and sometimes, chaos. Thanks for the thoughts. Maybe it’s time I find “my place”. Miss you – God Bless.
Marie
I remember you were so rejuvinated when you came back last year, I do so hope for a repeat performance for you! I first started reading your blog about that same time.
I just try to fit something in, lately I just disappear with the camera, it is my escape from the house, the phone.. and all the daily interuptions. I love the silence after midnight, I know you are a night owl too..not a real healthy habit..when you have little ones, I can sleep til 9 or 10..I am sure you cannot.
East Side did a post the other day “My Room” I think..I found it inspiring.. I am still searching for my niche..but I have a “room” and to me that is important:)
You know, I’m realizing that somewhere along the way, I lost the habit of replenishing and taking care of myself, spiritually. I used to have a cozy nook in my bedroom where I’d journal and pray, or other times, in nice weather, I’d sit outside by the flower garden to do my journaling. Or I’d go for a walk around Lake of the Isles and just…be with God. But I haven’t done this in years.
I wonder if part of the reason is that I’m afraid what I might find if I go deeper into myself. Or maybe I just don’t feel as though I’m worth it. I just don’t know. But I do know that since I’ve stopped caring for myself in this way, I have a hard time writing, and I feel like I’m less of a friend and a wife than I could be. I’m more prone to depression. And I miss my time with God.
Marie and Barbara, I so appreciate your thoughts here. You really touched me with your reflections, and I do hope you will both seek out the reprieve you very much deserve!
My wife has a Aunt at St. Bens. Sister Mary Jane Hunkler, who is retired. The Bismarck Benedictines branched out from St. Bens. Enjoy your writing. Pius
Far Side, I just now found your comment. Thanks so much. I need to read East Side’s post about “My Room.” And PV, I will look for Sister Mary Jane. Another friend has an aunt there so I’ll be on a mission besides writing while there. 🙂
What a lovely place for retreat. Goodness.
Preserving part of yourself…what a lovely lesson by example for your children. Not selfish in my book but taking time to stop the world around you so that you can spin alone in whatever direction you choose. That is a wonderful thing for yourself and something that will serve your children well in there adulthood.
As for the question….I find that the opposite is true for me (sort of). I have to seek out time for human companionship. I’ve always (since childhood) been self amusing. Had my books, feather collection, rock collections, a camera, a horse, a dog, fishing pole, journals. I couldn’t wait to ‘grow up’ so I could have my own place. Sharing that space once I got married was (and still sometimes is after 12 years) difficult or should I say ‘trying’.
My automatic default is to be alone. I have to carve out room for other people. I hike/walk alone, camp alone, will take a book and hide in one of the back fields alone, I crave quite time. Even as a child I would often get in trouble and was so happy to be sent to my room.
I love spending time with people who understand companionable silence. Which is probable why I so enjoy my dogs and horses….they are a living breathing entity with so much to share and teach with out noise.
Sorry about the length….Tami
Tami, far from being disappointed in your lengthy comment, I think this is among my favorite responses. You laid this out so beautifully. It was really interesting reading the perspective of someone who is not always yearning for alone time, but working to carve out time to be with others. There are always so many angles to how we move about our world. Thanks for sharing yours!